fond memories of 2006

Sunday, November 05, 2006
you pick up the familiar shape of your pen knife,
hold it just a little over your wrist.
and with a swift movement,
slit the delicate skin open.
you watch,
as your own blood drips,
making a bright red stain
on the white formica table .
you think 'ow, that hurt'
but you have no idea how much
hurt I've been through the past few days.
I sit on my bed,
the silence deafening.
as I clutch my pillow,
so tight that my knuckles turn stark white,
willing myself not to cry.
but the tears come anyway .
just like they always do .

i feel sick .
everyone seems to be either
happy, or happily in love.
Aden's in love.
Jessica's in love.
Ambra's in love.
Amanda Choong's in love.
Lizzie Lee's in love.
Daniel's in love.
Eugene's in love.
Clare's in love.

i might be smiling &laughing on
the outside but
deep inside i'm screaming .
from the start i promised myself
i wouldnt let myself sink too deep.
but, i broke my own promise.
ahh
this week hasn't been good at all .
with you,
i have to dig deep into places
i didn't know i had .
i used to be a girl who would'nt
fall in love .
i'd sort of glance down and
realize i was mired in it .
but with you
i just had to look into your eyes
&feel the world spinning beneath my feet .
i saw in your soul
all the things that were
missing in mine .
i'm not ready for this to end,
not yet.
i was talking to jessica
last night &suddenly her boyfr
called her so she had to go .
the whole night i lay on my bed
covered by my blanket
imagining the murmur of two voices.
that used to be me &you,
i thought.
eyes open, heart broken
i cried myself to sleep again .

_________________________________

doesn't it seem to be that

2006 sucked?

God's finally given me

what i've wanted for so long .